Kenkun Squarepants
by Nandelle
Summary: What happens when the Weiß boys enter the world of Spongebob Squarepants? Frightening things... Complete.
1. Is Farfie really leaving Kenken? oo Epis...

Sorry for the confusion on the first attempt. ^^; I hope doing this will clear things up a bit… As in cleaning before I re post it like an intelligent person. I don't own either of these here mentioned in the following… So please don't sue me and deprive me of the money for my anime fix… o.o; 

(( )) – Author notes

It was a lovely day. The wind was blowing cool fingers through the goggle-wearing youth's dark hair as he smiled and tugged at the leash he held so firmly in his feminine fingers. "C'mon, Farfie! Let's go for a walk!" and he smiled some more as he led his frothing maniac on a leash out the door.

The beaming Ken-kun hadn't gotten more than a few blocks when (( the cops caught up to him and took him away for doing strange things to the guy on the leash at the soccer practice! The end! )) his best friend, yes, best friend, came strolling along too. It was Yoji, of course! 

Ken stopped, beaming all the while, "Ohaiyo, Yoji-kun! ^^- I was just taking Farfie here for a walk to the park; we're going to play games." The grip on the leash never loosened; that would be 'bad' and bloody.

Yoji blinked those green-gold orbs, like apples really, at his friend, those green and purple shorts of his glowing in the morning light, "Can I play too?" he seemed to be bouncing, and we all know he was, on the inside.

Ken nodded, "Sure! Farfie, you don't mind if Yoji plays with us, do you?" he leaned into the Frothing One's view, looking as if the Irish madman was about to give the secret to life.

Farfie slurped and chewed on the leash, "Mrow." 

Ken resurrected his smile, "Good! Come on Yoji! ^^- Maybe we'll see Aya and he'll have a picnic and we can eat!"

The lithe Yoji-kun nodded, smiling like he has no insight to the world around him, and the two seiteki, shirtless men strolled off with the Farfie-kins in tow.

At the park! Dananan! Oh… Yeah.

Farfie meows to thirty as Yoji and Ken run around in circles and behind trees, looking for a good place to hide. The last er, mrow is 'shouted' and Farfie opens that eye of his, peering around his little circle. Ken and Yoji giggled, crouched behind a large… boulder like creature of rock.

Acute of ear, Farfie looks around all horror-movie-esque toward the sound of insane giggling. He's on the verge of going to the noises of the other er, men, but considers just leaving. He knows the two won't notice for hours. But the sheer masculinity of the giggles drew him in, like some kind of sick, twisted, seductive lure to a sick, twisted, equally seductive fishy. 

Farfie pokes his head around the boulder and Ken and Yoji mock a scream, saying together, "You found us!" and laughing in a way that makes the Farf sound stable, not that he isn't…

The Irish madman then went on to stare curiously at Yoji, noticing something shiny on the tall blonde. He attached himself to the apparent 'ladies man'. "Mrow." 

Ken blinked, Yoji blinked and sweatdropped. "Er, what's he doing, Ken-kun?" The blonde gave the white haired man a perplexed look.

"He just likes you," Ken piped, not thinking that Farfie would ever like someone more, he trusted Farfie, more than he ever trusted Aya-kun or Kase-kun. 

The sun was setting when Ken yawned, his eyes shutting and his gloved hands reaching for the crimson clouds hanging precariously over his goggles. "Okay, Farf! We should get going!" He tugged at the leash, got no response, "Farf? We have to leave, we can come back tomorrow."

"Mrow." Farfie glomped Yoji, pouting, and licked the blonde's shoulder. "Mrow."

Yoji snoodled, "Aw, he's so cute! Ken-kun, can he stay the night with me? Just tonight? Please?" His apple-like eyes shimmered and gleamed with hope.

Ken averted his gaze to hide his jealousy, "Well, I don't know…"

"Plllleeeeaaasseeee?" Yoji sniffled and Farfie bit his shoulder.

Ken sighed, "Alright, just make sure you give him enough food, and you don't keep him up too late, and that you bring him home before noon, and that you don't poke him with any sticks – he hates that – and that…"

In front of Yoji's bachelor's pad!!! Or… In front of Yoji's room above Koneko, whichever. 

Ken holds out Farfie's bag of Farfie Stuff, "And if he starts to cry, just give him a kitchen knife and he'll be fine, and if he needs to go potty while he's wearing his straight jacket, just unstrap him, he's house broken, and if he starts to get cuddly-" 

Yoji rolled his eyes, holding Farfie's leash loosely and opening the door to his room/apartment/super suave chick magnet, "Yea, yea, I think I get it. Ja ne, Ken-kun!"

Ken pouted, feeling jealousy wash over him, but waved, smiled, and left for his own super cool realm of soccer and hidden SnM fetishes. ((Cough… it's obvious! You KNOW you see it too! ))

Inside the Realm of Sex and Cigarettes… Er, I mean Yoji's little apartment thingie! Strange noises can be heard… Let us fade in through a wall to gain insight as to what these corruptions of sound might be…

Farfie's insane cackle can be heard over Yoji's quiet yet urgent moaning as the scene un-darkens. Yoji grunts loudly as Farfie ends his laughter and gasps for air. The two look a little, well, er, flushed…

Yoji pushes back his sweat-damp hair, mouth turned down into a Folken frown, "Kill me next time I suggest baking cookies with you." He picked a piece of cookie dough from those glistening strands.

Farfie blinked, his hands covered in the blood of many gingerbread men, "Okay." He placed two of his fingers in his mouth, "Mmmm, God hurts."

Yoji sweatdropped, hoping that the madman wouldn't _really_ kill him if he ever suggested it again… But before he could be sure Farfie had understood, he was distracted by something warm on his fingers. Yoji twitched, "What are you doing, Farfie?"

The Irishman nibbled lightly on the tip of Yoji's index finger, "Eating your fingers," he stopped, blinked cutely at Yoji (( Aw! )) "It hurts God if you don't have any fingers."

Yoji twitched again, a cigarette magically appearing in his mouth due to the animator's lapse of attention. "I like my fingers though." He smiled deviously, blowing smoke entrancingly around the Farf's form, "Let's play anouther game…" 

Farfie let go of the slender fingers and tilted his head at Yoji, "What game? Does it hurt God?" His honey eye (( Honey like Schuu-honey? Maybe… )) gleamed with a barely suppressed glee.

Yoji grabbed The Farf gently by the collar, more smoke drifting lazily about, "Perhaps…" he caught the disinterested look in the Farf's eye, hastily threw in, "Oh, yea! He cries."

Farfie stares, "Really?!" then a skeptical expression drains the glee away, "What game is it? I think you're lying."

Yoji patted Farfie on the head, "I'm not lying, I would _never_ lie to you! It's a surprise though…" 

Farfie glomps the oh so very lithe man and snoodles, "Yoshi!" 

A maniacal and greedy, evil, diabolically seductive look slips over Yoji's face. Dananan! Scary!

The next day! At Ken-kun's Bubbly Land of Soccer and… baseball mitt thingies…

"I'm ready! I'm ready! … Er, oh my god! It's almost 12! I should make sure Yoji's okay." And as he ran down the street/hallway ((depending on whichever one you see it as… o.O )) he imagined the various things that his pet could have done to his dear friend.

The door to Yoji's pad flung open as Ken reached it, causing the soccer-boy to stop like a dead hamster where he stood, "Yoji-kun?" he whispered.

Two faces, both pale, one flawless and lovely, the other marred and drool-worthy, sprung into Ken's view, both sporting twitch inspiring expressions. Farfie clung to Yoji's arm, his teeth resting on the man's shoulder. Yoji smiled at Ken brightly, "We were just going to see you! You don't mind if we go for some ice cream, do you?"

Ken paled, fighting the tears at the corners of his eyes, "I… I… No… Unless Farfie doesn't want to." He pouted to the Irishman.

Farfie beamed, nodded vigorously, and the two pranced away to the ice cream parlor, leaving little KenKen alone and with no one to trust. 

The pair was trotting along the side of the road slurping at ice cream cones when Ken-kun jumped out into their view. Yoji and Farfie stopped, both in, er, mid slurp. "Hi guys!" he beamed at his Farfie, missing him ever so much but not being able to come out and admit it just yet, "Wanna go to the park? Aya-san and Crawford-san are there, and they're-"

Yoji spoke solemnly, the vanilla coating his lips adding to the seriousness of his tone, "We were actually going to go bake cookies…" The blonde blinked at Farfie, who got a blood thirsty glint in his eye.

Ken pouted a little, eyeing Yoji's bandaged fingers with suspicion, "Oh… Can I come too?" 

"Iiya, it's too delicate a process," and Yoji and Farfie shared a quiet snicker.

Ken became frantic; they had inside jokes, and he had no one to tie down (( Eek! )). "But me and Farfie have lots of, er, delicate stuff to do too!" The goggle-boy fought a blush.

Yoji set his nose in the air and let go of Farfie's leash, "Let's just let Farfie-kins decide!"

Ken gaped, pet names! Yoji had a pet name for HIS Farfie and he still had no one to tie down! It would be a long, lonely, uneventful week, ne? "Fine!"

They sat Farfie in between them and each took a step back. Farfie blinked at Ken-kun, feeling a bit like he was missing the goggle-wearing baka face, the one that had so many times helped him hurt God. But Yoji had something shiny… It… shone and gleamed in the light and looked lovely and sharp and pointy!

Ken patted his thighs violently, a desperate smile hanging on those bishounen lips, "Come on, Farfie! Come on! Come on, baby-Farfie-kins! Come here, little-wittle-Farfie-poosie! I'll let you eat the soccer ball! I'll let you be on top!"

Yoji was screaming along with Ken, "No, over here, Farfie-honey! You know you like me more! Come on, come on! I'll _be_ the soccer ball! Don't listen to him! He lies!!! Subete wa uso!" Farfie twitched, turned a little toward Yoji.

He crawled towards Yoji some more; the blonde had something shiny! He could always go back to Ken-kun after he got what he wanted. Ken's pleas became more desperate, and finally, as Farfie clung to Yoji's leg and licked his knee, the goggle-headed one broke down into tears.

"Doushite! Doushite! Light, flaky, buttery, why?" He sobbed still even as Yoji plucked Farfie up and set him on his shoulders.

The blonde snorted at Ken, "It's settled then, come along, Farfie." 

The very nextly day…

Farfie and Yoji were running around in circles outside in the front of Koneko - scaring away quite a few fangirls and attracting many more - Farfie chasing a chortling Yoji, that is. KenKen appears, holding a bright green leash. He stops in clear view of the running ones and pet-pets his new, er, pet. "Such a good boy, Schuu-baby!" he grinned maniacally, eyeing Farfie as he spoke to the distracted Schuldig, "Who's a good boy? You are! You're the BEST PET a boy could ask for!"

Farfie kept running, Yoji kept running, Ken scowled, "And tonight!" he screeched, hoping to gain the attention of the ill trained runners, "Tonight we'll have so much fun! I'll-"

Yoji pouted, stopped, "Ken-kun, can you keep your plans to yourself? I don't need Farfie to get any ideas, you know."

Ken scowled and stamped off, Schuu following boredly after.

That night… "Oh, Schuu-Schuu! You win AGAIN!" Ken beamed and glomped his new Bishie pet, screaming so the Yoji-kun would hear. Schuldig winced under Ken's embrace. 'Life' pieces flew from the board with Ken's movement.

Yoji leaned out the window next door (( or out the door in the hall way… )) and scowled, "Ken, keep it down over there, we're trying to concentrate!"

The window/door slammed closed and Ken cried into Schuu's shoulder. Schuu rolled his eyes, "Can I go yet?" 

Ken sobbed and attached himself firmly to the Schuu-bear, "Iie! Farfie left me and I'm alone! Alone!" 

Schuldig blinked, de-attached himself and sighed heavily, "Maybe you should get a pet that will make him more jealous then, I'm just bored." -.- He bolted out the door of the pineapple, er, apartment, before Ken could glomp the redhead again.

The cackle of an overly happy Farfie-kins sounded from next door, Ken keened a long, high note of sorrow and remorse. ((Poor KenKen!))

The next day… Yoji and Farfie are slurping at ice cream and playing a harmless (( sniggle)) game of Star Wars Monopoly on the lawn/in the hallway. Ken beamed to his new… newer, pet. "Hey you guys, I want you to meet… Nagi…" he patted the bishounen on the head, "Say hello, Nagi!"

Nagi glared, twitched, and hissed at Ken. Yoji and Farfarello both gave a look of mild interest to the new pet and Ken, but then dove right back into the ever-so exciting game – Yoji was losing and if Yoji did loose… Farfie got to maim/kill/destroy something in the vicinity. But if Yoji won, well… If Yoji won… I think you can guess what he'll get the Farf to do. 

Ken stroked the Nagi's hair, gaining only a bite on his lovely fingers, "Come on, Nagi, we have better things to do than hang around here." And the two strutted into the pineapple/bachelor pad/apartment. 

Yoji blinked at Farfie as he landed on the free parking space, "Hah! Looks like I'm winning now!" he grinned in quite the scary manner as he scooped the play money up into his own diminishing pile. Farfie scowled. 

Nagi hissed and growled as Ken unhooked him from the leash. "Hey, Nagi! I have an idea!" Ken started, pulling out a little shiny ball that both he and Farfarello enjoyed playing with, "We can play with this! Me and some… unmentionable pet used to play but that's over now." Ken snorted as he rolled the ball to Nagi.

Nagi glared at the ball, hissed as it rolled by, then tore it into tiny shiny little pieces with his magical spiffy power. Ken twitched, "I guess you don't like the ball…" Goggle-boy revived his smile with a flourish, "That's okay! We can play Red Cow Blue Cow! It was _someone_ whose name shall go unmentioned in this house's favourite game!"

The bishounen pet hissed again and sat on the only chair in the room. When Ken made a move to sit next to Nagi, he snarled and bit at the goggle-boy's fingers.

Ken pouted and wandered into the kitchen. Around dinner time, a little before actually… Nagi came slinking into the kitchen where Ken had been… cooking. Cooking a lot. He wasn't good at it, but he thought he was getting better – at least he wasn't burning the Jell-O ((Omi gets Bombay Cat Flu reference ^^; )) anymore.

Nagi blinked up at Ken, his eyes just demanding food. Demanding… Ken had to obey those demanding bishie eyes! Goggle-boy opened up a can of Farfie's "favourite" food, Speggeti-O's, and dumped it into Nagi's bowl, which was actually only Farfie's bowl that had 'NAGI' spelt out on it. After the proper bit of heating, the bowl was set in front of Nagi, "Bon appetite!" 

The bishounen hissed loudly and hopped into Ken's place where his own dinner had been spread out. Ken blinked at the bowl and poked at it, "I guess… You can have that too if you want." As Ken started to try and eat some of the food in Nagi's bowl, Nagi growled like a fiend and threw a spork, a rusty spork, at the KenKen.

That evening Ken was having no fun… He sat on the edge of his bed and pointed to Farfie's little padded dome-bed thingie, "That's where you can sleep, Nagi!"

Nagi spat and crawled into Ken's bed instead, falling quickly and soundly asleep. Ken poked Nagi only to have teeth clamped down on his fingers.

With a keening, mournful, terribly poignant sigh, Ken crawled into Farfie's dome bed, "That's okay… I guess this isn't so bad, just a little cold… but at least I'll get good posture!"

The next day, with Nagi playing something on his laptop, Ken sat watching the laundry spin round and round… Then he heard an intensely familiar 'mrow'.

"Farfie! You've come b-… Oh, it's _you_." He glared at Yoji as the pair carried in a bundle of dirty clothes. 

"We're here to do some laundry…" Yoji stated, pulling off his shorts to throw in with the rest. Ken twitched, Yoji was awfully exposed @.@ and Farfie was sitting on the blonde's shoulders, as if he loved the seductive sex-tool more than the seductive soccer-freak! Doushite! 

Farfie crawled down off of Yoji and after the shorts as Ken and Yo-tan talked angrily… "Yea, Ken, you should really move on, it's really sad to see you trying to make the Farf jealous now that he has me."

Ken huffed and adjusted his goggles, "Who's to say I haven't already moved on? I… Farfie?"

Goggle-boy and chain-smoker both leaned forward to see the Farf slurping on a scalpel. Why did Yoji have a scalpel? Hmmm…

Slowly, deliberately, Farfie climbed out of the washer and promptly glomped Ken's arm, "Mrow," Ken beamed.

Yoji gaped, "So that's the only reason he liked me?" he pouted, "Not for my seductive wit or deducing charm or lovely eyes?" he blinked as Farfie chewed on Ken's hair, "Ah well… Hey there," he turned and slunk, yes, lithely toward Nagi, "How you doin'?" 


	2. On the subject of the Secret Formula: Ep...

Welcome to chapter two. I hope this … might be a little more understandable… If you're still reading, I think you may want to seek the help of the nearest person. If not, well, I … you wouldn't see this, huh? Anyway! Again, I don't own Weiß Kreuz or Spongebob Squarepants. If I did, I'd do more than fanfiction. ^^- Um… Enjoy… 

Ken's alarm clock blared. Yes! Another day of work at the Krusty Krawfish! He beamed and hopped out of bed, petting Farfie on the head, "Good morning, Farfie!"

Farfie blinked a couple of times, "Mrow." He licked KenKen's hand and set his head back down, his eye closing again. The night before had been… Err… Scary! So now the Little Farfiekins needed rest. Ken didn't need rest though, that psycho athlete is always ready…

At the Krusty Krawfish! (( Spoof on the Krusty Krab, ooooh… Shiny! ))

Aya scowled as he stared at the storage room, Crawford smiling brightly behind him, "You need to catalog everything in this room, Aya," he said, giving a 'do it or yer fired and woooorse!' look when Aya turned around to object.

Aya adjusted his worker's hat and grumbled, "Yes, Crawford." --; He sighed heavily and began writing the things along the shelves, and there were lots of things, down as the Armani-wearing man stepped out. "Meat, cheese wheel, blender… Pack of cigarettes." 

Crawford rolled back inside. Wait a minute! Crawford doesn't roll! Eek! Aya turned and regarded the robot imposter skeptically, "Aya!" a mechanical voice sounded, "Err, ah, what was that secret formula again? I seem to have forgotten."

Aya blinked, then started giggling, "You're not Crawford!" the legal pad wavered in his hand from his laughter, "Is this some kind of joke?"

The robo-Brad waved his arms, "Fine! Take the day off then!"

Aya rolled his eyes and started out the door, closing the legal pad slowly, "Alright "Crawford", Ja ne!" and as he shouldered past KenKen who was about to add something to the storage room, he started laughing crazily.

Ken blinked at Aya, shrugged, then blinked at robo-Brad, "Oh, hi Br… Crawford." He smiled, "Jee, you're not looking so good. Are you feeling okay?" He put his hands gingerly on robo-Crawlie's tummy, made a little noise, "You're cold!"

Robo-Crawlie, who was really Schuldig, petted Ken with a metallic hand, "Those are just my metal pants. I got them to protect the secret formula. Say, Ken-kun, I need to ask you something…"

"Ken!" The doors to the storage room swung open and the real Crawford came in, and robo-Crawlie swiftly turned into a toaster for disguise. 

Ken turned, "Yes?" he blinked, stared, turned, "Uh…" A toaster! Eek! He turned back to Crawford, "Mmhm Br… Crawford?"

Bradley shook his fist, looking angerful and angry with wrath, "Where's Aya?!" He looked around, snorting like a feral beast. (( Scary! ))

Hidaka blinked, held up one finger, "You gave him the day off."

Crawford's eyes went tiny and scary like they do when he's scary in the anime, "Day…. OFF?!?!?!" He shrieked, a few items falling from the shelves, "I don't know the meaning of those cursed, horrible, icky words!!!" ((Aw, Crawlie-chan said icky!)) 

Ken blinked, patted Brad's waist, "Hey, Brad, where're your metal pants?"

Crawford shooed Ken's hands away, "Don't go crazy on me now, lad." He shook his head, "Takehito knows we don't need another madman…" (( Kind of like 'God knows we don't need that… But Takehito knows. o.O))

Ken-kun blinked and kept his hands to himself, (( Sniffle… )) "You wanted to ask me something?"

Crawford stared, "Yes! Why aren't you working harder?!"

Ken gaped, shook his head, "I… Don't… Know…" This was horrid! He wasn't working hard enough! 

Brad pointed, "Then quit slacking boy! Work!"

KenKen saluted and turned to look at the scary magic toaster as Brad left. The toaster was now… Gone! Eek! So confused! He jogged out enthusiastically to the kitchen and began flipping patties.

Robo-Brad, or Schuuey, rolled along to the door of Crawford's office, holding up a penny… Oooh… "This may look like an ordinary penny," he said in his mechanical villain voice, "And that's because it IS an ordinary penny!" He rolled the coin through the slot in Crawford's door.

Brad sat up straight in his chair, looking away from his journal where he was writing down his true feelings… and listened intensely, "What's that noise? Is it…?" he slammed the journal closed and locked it with his secret diary key and stood up, "It is! The sound of moneh!"

He caught sight of the rolling penny and dove after it, only to have it roll back out of his office. He began the chase! Or was it a hunt…? Hm… (( Now, you, the reader of this insane disgrace to the kitten-boys, may be thinking 'Why doesn't Schuuey just read Ken or Brad's mind for the formula? Well, Their minds, at least where the formula is kept, are so heavily guarded that even the magnificent Schuu cannot discover it on his own… ))

In the kitchen! Schuu rolled in with his disguise of robo-Brad and watched KenKen counting the seaweed seeds on the seaweed seed buns. 

Ken suddenly turned, "Oh, hi Crawford." He smiled, set the bun down.

Schuu rolled a little closer, "Hey, Ken-kun… Just you and me… Here… Alone… Together…. Alone."

Ken blinked, "Err… Yea. I thought you said we weren't going to do that at work." Another blink.

Schuu snickered silently, "No, not that…" he whipped out a microphone, "Say… I seem to have forgotten the secret formula… Could you… Maybe refresh my memory?" All those pauses were surprisingly unnoticeable to the KenKen. 

Ken-kun gasped, gripping his spatula in disbelief, "But we haven't done the secret formula secret handshake yet!"

Schuu-schuu rolled his eyes from the inside of his robo-Brad, holding out his hand, "Fine…" 

A giggle emitted from the soccer players mouth and he pushed robo-Crawlie's hand back, "We don't shake _hands_, silly."

Schuldig glanced around, "Err…"

Goggle-boy maintained a serious stature as he spoke, "First we stand on one leg," Schuu and Ken both did this, though the robo-Brad was slightly … Noisy with the sounds of moving, metal, parts. "Then we spin around four times," they both executed this with the perfection of trained dancers, "Then…"

This went on for several hours, three and twenty three minutes, to be… precise. Schuldig was nearing the end of the handshake, balancing a bowling pin on his scalp and hopping on one leg while eating a plate of pasta. Ken was doing something slightly different, and as robo-Brad devoured, or rather hid in the great gurth of metal pants, the last plate of little scoop like noodles, Ken beamed, "Done!"

Schuuey spoke between gasps for breath, "Alright. Now will you tell me the secret formula?"

Goggle-boy set the dirtied plates away for Aya to clean later, his eyes half lidded, "No."

Schuldig gaped, his voice raised to an angry snarl, "What?! What do you mean, 'no'?! I just ate fourteen different plates of assorted pasta in one sitting and you're saying no?! I'll throw you in front of a boat!!!" He pursed his lips inside the machine of the likeness of Brad and considered the startled KenKen, "Um… I mean. Oh? Why not?"

Ken held his spatula up in the air as he spoke, "We are only allowed to discuss the secret formula or anything pertaining to the secret formula if it's raining on the third Wednesday at nine AM and Aya-kun hasn't glared or said something about Takatori or Shi-neing." He smiled happily, "It's your rule."

Schuldig felt his left eye developing a twitch, "Uh… I changed that rule! You can go ahead and tell me now."

Ken hesitated, his brow creased in concentration, "I can't do that Crawford."

A low and scary, pants-wetting growl reverberated from inside of robo-Brad, "Why not?" He was beginning to see exactly why Crawford was always so terribly tense when he returned to the Schwarz mansion… Only beginning. 

Goggle-boy giggled again, "Because! The other rule about the secret formula. We are not allowed to utter word of it." He held out a small bottle with a rolled piece of paper inside, "We keep the formula in …" an air of divine presence surrounded them, "This bottle…"

Robo-Brad's arm began to extend, slowly… Slowly… The agony of the slowness was interrupted by the quiet roll of a penny. The small copper coin showed itself a moment later, rolling through the crack in the door and falling at their feet. KenKen looked questioningly at Schuuey, who snatched the bottle away victoriously, just before the real Braddie came bursting in through the door. 

Ken gasped, Schuu hid the bottle, Crawford shrieked. "You! Schuldig! Trying to get me secret formula are ye?" He waved sporadically at Ken, "What're you doing, boy? Tackle him!"

Ken-kun found himself frozen, robo-Brad lifted the pressure on him by talking in a very Schuldig-esque voice, "No, don't listen to him! He's not the real Crawford… We did the handshake, remember?"

Goggle-boy was torn, his eyes going back from Crawford to robo-Brad and back to Crawford. The real Brad started forward, trying to convince Ken-kun of the truth, "KenKen, don't let this steam driven pile of bolts fool you!"

Schuldig gasped, offended, "Who are you calling steam driven?"

Crawford scowled evilly, "Who else? I don't see any other robots here!! At least if I were a robot," he smiled at Ken, "Which I'm not!" he glared back at Schuu, "I'd be well put together!"

The two argued back and forth about that and other things running along the same topic. Finally, little KenKen couldn't take it. He pulled out a vat of red wine and a hose, aiming it at the two Armani-brandishing men, "Alright! Nobody move! Next one to move gets a serious stubborn stain on their nice, new suit!"

Crawford inched closer, "Now Ken, let's not act so foolishly…"

Ken waved the hose towards Braddie, "What did I say?! Don't move!!" Crawford jumped into Schuu's arms, his eyes squeezing shut against tears of… Having his suit threatened? Or perhaps having his KenKen against him…? "Now… I'm going to ask you two some questions…" he eyed them with a business like glare, one that he learned from Crawford, actually, "Questions only the real Crawford would know the answers to…"

Robo-Brad sighed, a sense of doom washing over him, and Crawford beamed, jumping from Schuu's arms.

KenKen stroked the hose thoughtfully, "What time does the Krusty Krawfish open?"

Crawford went to answer, but Schuu was ahead of him, "Four AM!"

Goggle-boy nodded, "What are the most prized delicacies of the Krusty Krawfish?" He eyed them both.

Again, robo-Brad answered before Crawlie could even make a noise, "Crawlie-patties!"

Another nod, then he turned his back to the two Brads, embracing the nozzle of the hose, "This is a question only the real Crawford would know… If we're sitting in the back of a limo driven by the second son of Takatori Reiji and I took wardrobe advice from Yoji-kun, what sort of food do we eat?" (( Reference to 'Social Injustice' o.o; ))

Robo-Brad twitched, Crawford beamed, "I know this one! Let's see…" a thin bead of perspiration formed on his brow as he thought, "Driven by… Masafumi… Clothes from Yoji… Hmmm. Tomato Pie!"

Ken frowned, "Wrong! It's pizza!" Before Crawford could object and say that is just another term for pizza, Ken turned the hose of staining wine on Crawford, sending the man into a fit of twitching and screaming. ((Poor Crawford! His suit…))

Robo-Brad snickered and held the bottle containing the secret formula in the air with a feeling of victory. KenKen blinked down at the floor, just taking note of the penny laying there. He picked it up and smiled, "Look, Brad! You forgot your penny!" Schuu was too busy chortling to notice as Ken inserted the penny into the small penny slot in the metal pants.

Schuu blinked, ceasing his laughter as he heard the clink of the penny. He blinked down at the 'metal pants', "One cent self-destruct…? I told Nagi not to use any of Farfie's ideas!" he turned and began to roll out of the back room, then rolled out of the Krusty Krawfish, got halfway to his own 'quick serve industry' before exploding in a heap of metal. He twitched, sprawled on his back in the middle of the street.

The secret formula rolled back to Ken, and he quickly pocketed this, "If that was Schuldig… Then…" He gasped and ran to the Crawford who was trembling in horror and dabbing at his once pristine suit with a sea weed seed bun, "Brad! I'm sorry! I thought that you were Schuldig!"

Crawlie sniffled and pressed the wine-dampened side of the bun to Ken's cheek where it stuck, "It's okay… As long as the formula is safe…" Ken swooshed it out and handed it to Crawford, who beamed and patted KenKen on the head, "Good! Now, you just have to get these stains out…"

Ken pouted at the blotchy stains across the suit, "But… That'll take forever, Crawford." He tilted his head as Crawford began disrobing there, "I'm sure it'll come out if we wash it… Err… In the stove!"

Goggle-boy stared, puzzled, taking Crawford's tie as it was handed to him, "But Crawford, clothes don't wash in the stove. Farfie told me only children can be bathed in stoves… Besides, we're still open!"

Crawford dashed out then hurried back, "No, we can close early today, you've been working too hard. And _my_ clothes can be washed wherever money is made" Ken held the blazer handed to him, thinking he might have an idea as to what Crawford was talking about.

"So…" he began, taking Brad's slacks as well, "If we wash your suit in the stove… Which only cleans children… It means that your suit is your… Hey! You never told me you got pregnant, Brad!"


	3. Mystery Ye gods, a Takatori! Episode 3!

Again!! Finally, Episode three is up… Um, Sorry about the time it took to get this; I've not really been allowed online due to the regulations of my punishment. Xx; I should remind everyone that I don't own the Spongebobness nor do I own the Weißness. I'd like to… But I don't. ^^- 

The day was bright and sea… foamy… when Ken awoke, beaming brightly and stepping out of the door of his pineapple… err… Soccerish land of soccer and inquisitive soccer player posters. (( --; )) He stood there for a moment, blinking around crazily, then shouted, "Somebody call the doctor!" He threw his arms into the air, "Cause I got Sprrriiiiiiiiiing Feverrrrrrr!" 

With that he giggled happily, chirping really, and bounded to the nearest patch of flowers to inhale at them. His lungs expanded slowly, easily, and the soft spring fragrance went to his head like mead. Or maybe that was sake. Or perhaps double shots of vodka, hadn't Yoji mentioned that once to him?

Aya stepped out of his own room/giant head thing and peered at Ken, suppressing his curiosity. Ken waved cheerily, "Good morning, Aya-kun! Aren't the flowers beautiful?!"

A twitch, "Hnn." Aya muttered looking at the bumbling little flower next to his door. He bent down and sniffed at it, mimicking Ken-kun a fairly comical way. The flower twisted around and hissed angrily at him, and Aya yelled for cuddles and dashed back inside, the lock sounding clearly.

Kenken gaped, "I didn't know Aya-kun had hay fever!" He trotted over into Aya's yard… or perhaps the hallway where the flowers were growing… and uprooted the menacing, hissing flower. It quieted to a passive, purring bundle of petals in Ken's hand, but he set it aside anyway.

"I'll just plant some allergen friendly flowers for him then." He beamed, wielding and spade and a water can – one lifted from the flower shop for undisclosed reasons, and no, it has nothing to do with a lamp.

He knelt in the harsh sun and placed an Aya-friendly flower in the hole left from the previous one, filling the dirt in around it. "I'll bet your hungry, aren't you?" Ken turned and grasped the water can, then turned back around, and gasped!

The flower, aside from a ragged stem, was gone… Ken frowned, and took the mutilated stump from the soil, thinking distantly that it kind of reminded him of that one time… No, those were bad thoughts. He placed in a fresh flower and reached again for the water can, but when he turned back it was gone again! The stem that looked as if it had been chewed through protruded sadly.

Ken-kun repeated this process again, and got the same results… He placed a fresh flower in again, but this time, he already had the water can. Hah! He thought, peering at the flower intensely, I've outsmarted it now… He wiped his brow, "I'm not taking my eyes off you! You'll be just like Kase and get hurt."

--Deep, sultry… German! Voice says, "Three days later…" –

Yoji strolled past Ken and his flower watching duty, paused, "Hey Ken-kun!"

Ken looked up and smiled at his friend, "Hello, Yoji-kun!" Ken, still smiling, turned back to his duties… And screamed! The flower was gone! Again! He growled, scowling at the stump, then stopped. He blinked about the ocean floor… The hallway floor too. He heard… chewing. For a moment he thought he would have to scold Farfarello again, and that was always… Exciting… But then he saw the lovely, practically glowing form of… Was that his Crawford? No, no it wasn't.

The animal turned its head and blinked at Ken. It looked just like Crawford, except… No! It was Hirofumi Takatori! (( You can't deny the resemblance! )) He drooled for a moment and watched Hirofumi gallop off while imagining he was sitting on Hirofumi's back, the wind tangling his long, orange hair that he would have stolen from Schuldig.

"I must tame her… Him…" He said, dazed with his daydream.

--In a field outside the Krusty Krawfish –

Ken peered around the massive grey bulk of a boulder to watch Hirofumi duck his head gracefully for another bite of a tasty flower. (( Heh, there's an image for ye. ^^; Hirofumi eating flowers… Hm. ))

Kenken ducked back behind the boulder, scribbling in his 'Field Note Diary'. "As, he's so mysterious… I will call him mystery!" He sniffled in pride, catching another quick glance at his new subject of adoration, "Come to think of it… He's also very graceful… And Majestic… And Crawford-like…" He chewed on the end of his pencil, "Maybe I should call him Grace, or Majesty… Or Charlie."

A snort ruffled his hair and he turned around tentatively, the Field Note Diary clutched between his shaking hands. Hirofumi snorted again, eyeing the floral book mark jutting out of the Diary like a penguins beak… Ken held the Diary and bookmark out gently, "Come on, boy, it's okay. I won't hurt you." 

Ken bit his lower lip to keep from crying out in joy as Hirofumi took the bookmark between his teeth and chewed thoughtfully, mmm, cardboard…

Then Ken could no longer contain his happiness and he flung his arms around Hirofumi's neck. Hirofumi smiled and made a kind of … horse noise, and the two danced. They galloped across the horizon, went to the hat shop, said hi to Momoe in the flower shop – but quickly for obvious reasons – and put stamps all over one another. The day was full of fun and laughter and happiness, and the night ended that way. Farfie was out anyway – somewhere with Aya, he guessed – and so Mysterious Graceful Majestic Crawford-like Hirofumi slept in the Farf's bed for the evening.

--The next day! At the Krusty Krawfish!!!—

Ken hopped off of Hirofumi and tied his tie to a post, "Now I have to work, Gra… Maje….Char… Mystery. So you just wait here." He patted Hirofumi on the nose affectionately, "I'll be out in about eight hours."

With that, he bounded inside of the Krusty Krawfish, the one place that gave him any meaning…

Meanwhile… Outside, two random fellows stood on either side of a nervous looking Hirofumi. Let's call these fellows Kubota and Tokitoh… Eheh, not for any particular reason, of course… (( Huzzah for Wild Adapter/Executive Committee!! ))

Tokitoh laughed at the sight of the Hirofumi, "Look, Kubo-chan! A kiddie ride! Alright!"

Kubota sighed, taking a long, Kubo-like drag of his cigarette and handed Toki a quarter. 

Tokitoh made a happy noise… Yes, a happy noise, and peered, poked, and prodded Hirofumi. "I can't find the slot, Kubo-chan… Oh, wait, here it is."

Hirofumi screamed shrilly and kicked the two inter-anime travelers back into their own realm. People wandering aimlessly about the area shrieked, pointed at Hirofumi shouting 'monster' and ran away.

Crawford burst out of the Krusty Krawfish, looking around in a confused sort of way, resembling a big, angry bear… Then he let out a scream of his own, "Aaack! A monster… Scaring away me money!"

Kenken came out, his little Krusty Krawfish trademark hat hovering over his goggles, "Ha, that's no monster, silly." He poked Crawford in his stomach, "That's Mystery…." His eyes grew large and watery, "He's my best friend."

Crawford glared, pushing up his glasses, "You're a mystery, Ken." And he turned towards the door.

Ken frowned, forming a fist with one hand, "I knew I should have named him Charlie…"

Crawford opened the door and scowled in a pouty, Crawford-esque way, "Get rid of him. He's hindering business."

Ken-kun's jaw nearly reached the ground, "What?! No, Brad, please! No! Mystery's my best friend! He won't do anything bad! Don't make me, Brad!"

Crawford glowered, "It's a wild animal, they don't belong here, KenKen."

--A few minutes later!—

Ken trudged into the Krusty Krawfish, his eyes huge and shimmering with tears, "I did it, Crawford…" 

Crawford smiled and nudged Ken supportively on the shoulder, "Good, now just don't think about it and it'll be like that mystery thing never happened." Sure, he felt bad for making Ken get rid of Hirofumi… But he couldn't have his KenKen liking someone more than him! Heavens, no.

Ken nodded, "Yes, Crawford," and the door to the kitchen fell to an awkward close. He pulled off his sad Ken mask, "Hah!!" and opened a cupboard to reveal a rather smooshed looking Hirofumi, "Sshhh, I can keep you in here as long as you're quiet."

Hirofumi licked Ken's hand happily and nodded. Ken closed the cupboard and began doing what he did best… Well… Second, no… Third best. 

Aya looked at the tray. He had just seen Ken put the order there, hadn't he? He glared at Ken, "Hidaka, where's my order?" He looked down at the empty tray.

"Huh?" Ken shrugged, "Did you check under the tray?"

Aya blinked, "Oh, sorry, no I didn't," he lifted the tray, then twitched, his face going blank, "Just get it."

Ken smiled and set another Krusty Patty? Krawfishie Pattie… Onto the tray. "There you go, Aya-kun."

Aya turned and stared at the still empty tray, "Ken…" his voice was low, menacing. When Ken didn't answer, Aya went back into the kitchen himself, suspecting a Takatori was at work…

"Hi Aya," Ken chimed, "The register is on the other side of the wall you know."

Aya growled, "I know! I…" He stared at the cupboard where Hirofumi was prying himself free.

Ken shrieked and stuffed the fellow back into the cupboard, "Please, Aya! Don't tell Crawford!"

Aya rolled his eyes, "Fine, just get my order." He went out of the kitchen to stand behind his register.

Ken sighed in relief and cracked the cupboard door open, a patty in his hand, "You must be hungry, boy. Here you go."

Hirofumi sniffed the patty, acting as if he'd never seen one in his life, then ate it all, nearly biting Ken's fingers. He whinnied loudly in happiness.

Ken made a strangled sort of noise and slammed the door shut as he heard Crawford dash in, "Did I just hear that man?!" He looked around evilly.

KenKen shook his head, "N-No, Brad. I was just practicing my imitation of Mystery." He cleared his throat, "Wee-snaw."

Crawford stared blankly, Ken smiled nervously. Brad sighed, "So long as you don't have him in here… And work on that, it was horrible."

Ken sighed and looked sternly down at Hirofumi, "You have to keep quiet, boy."

Hirofumi nodded and stayed in the cupboard. Not long after that, angered yells were erupting from the other side of the wall where Aya was. "Ken! I need my order!" Aya shouted this back at Ken, an almost worried expression playing on his face. I'd be worried too, if hungry people were mobbing me for food…

Crawford rushed in yet again, "Ken! What's going on in here?"

"I'm sorry, Brad, I just…" he blinked, all the patties he had been making were gone… Hirofumi stepped out from some magical place and the cupboard, blinking innocently, "Wee-snaw."

Ken gaped, Crawford looked stunned, and Aya was still being mobbed. "Hirofumi, you ate all the patties…" he looked at his spatula, "Hirofumi! You my spatula!" He blinked at the grill, "Hirofumi!! You ate the grill!" Ken looked at an empty wheel chair and gasped, "Hirofumi…! You ate Mr. Persia!"

A voice from inside Hirofumi's belly said, "Hunters of Night…"

Hirofumi looked around, pretending not to understand.

Crawford growled, "Okay, that's enough of this stupidity! I'm taking this animal back to where it belongs."

Ken jumped in front of Hirofumi protectively, taking Crawford by surprise, "No! You can't! I love Hirofumi! He understands every word I say and I understand him and we played with stamps!"

Crawford twitched violently, then… "Aw, look at him, Ken, he misses the wild. He needs fresh air and room to run. He's not happy here."

Ken looked down at Hirofumi and saw that Crawford was indeed right. He sniffed and nodded, "Alright then… Brad…"

Hirofumi blinked as Ken sobbed, "You have to go, now, Hirofumi! I can't keep you any more… Hirofumi looked around, a bit of confusion taking dominance over his face, then galloped away carelessly. Ken didn't see this, and kept talking, "Go on, I don't want you here any more! Just go, alright!" Yoji stepped up to say hi to Ken, paused, "You stupid animal! Just get out of here!" Yoji pouted and walked away. 

Ken-kun sobbed and went back inside of the Krusty Krawfish. Crawford patted him on the shoulder, "It's for the best, KenKen…"

Crawlie-chan threw an ominous glare at the twitching Aya, and led Ken into his office. Xx; Ken blinked, "You know, that wall there seems a little, I'm not sure… Lacking."

Crawford looked to where Ken was pointing and nearly died. His safe was empty! All of his precious moneys that he loved second only to Ken were gone, save a few dollars. He choked on his words, then simply passed out. Ken shrugged and took the remaining dollars; he needed to buy Crawlie a Christmas present soon, after all. ^^- 


End file.
